It’s been four years since we said goodbye.
You went abroad to take care of two kids as old as Kuya and I.
I counted the days, weeks, months, and years.
Each passing time, my longing for you swelled through my tears.
Will you still remember the shape of my face?
Will you feel the same when we embrace?
Will you still know exactly when to hug me when I cry?
Will you still have all the answers each time I ask how and why?
Will you still sing to me each night, to lull me to sleep and make everything alright?
Will you still remember the sound of my laughter?
Especially when we pretend we’re riding a roller-coaster?
Will it matter that I have not hugged you in so long?
Will you be upset that I am now a bit “headstrong”?
I hear Lola use that word to proudly describe me.
She say I am growing up to be like my Mommy.
Will you mind that I’m now eight years old instead of four?
Will you mind that I can now sleep on my own unlike before?
Will it matter that my hands are bigger, my hair longer?
The great news is that I have gotten so much stronger!
Finally, we will be together again as a complete family.
Soon we will be together — you, me, Kuya and Daddy,
Imagining you with the kids you care for often makes me cry.
I longed for that day when we will never have to say goodbye.
Will you still remember that spot on my tummy where I tickle easily?
Will your giggle sound the same as we laugh ourselves silly?
Will you know how much milk to add in my cup when I ask for more?
Will you still know how to kiss my boo-boo so it won’t hurt anymore?
Will you still help me collect colourful shells from the seashore?
Will you still know how to hold my hand when we cross the street?
Will you still know how to calm my heart’s every fearful beat?
Will you notice that my hair got curlier?
That I got heavier, taller and my voice got fuller?
Will you be proud that I now know how to ride a bike?
Will you be upset to know that I am now a bit shy,
and that sad movies make me cry?
Will you notice that the mole on my left cheek got bigger?
Will you notice that I have two new front teeth?
Will you notice that I have a scar on my knee that I got that from climbing a tree?
Soon we can hug and kiss for real and not through our phones.
It was hard to time our chats and calls from different time zones.
Will you still have the same scent, the same laugh?
Will the same things make you sad or glad?
Mommy, will it all even matter?
All I want is for us to be together.
I still and will remember, know and, feel, my dearest child.
My love for you goes deeper and stronger than I can ever express.